So dissappointed...

Even as I begin to write this, I am struggling with the motivation to complete it. I am angry, frustrated and most of all, tired of the fight. The fight for my health, the fight for a breakthrough in finances and the fight for security. Ultimately, I know everything is going to work out because God is in control, but as I am walking through this I find myself growing weary; as much as I want to solely depend on God, I can't help but find myself trying to control circumstances and outcomes and then becoming frustrated when things don't work out the that way I want them to.
I'm not blogging as much these days because my fatigue is getting the best of me, in addition, when I am emotionally down, it is difficult to motivate myself to write.
I guess I should explain what has set this off...I went to the doctor today for my follow up complete w/ labs. Bottom line: they were worse. My EBV levels were elevated and even after all of these treatments! I have poured so much money into them and I have yet to see any benefit (except that on my drive to Las Cruces, I have my talk radio time). It feels like a waste of time and money, neither of which I can get back. My doctor told me that in addition to the treatments, in order to reduce the levels, I have to reduce my stress levels. How? When I asked this question, his answer was "Have you tried hypnotherapy? or how about yoga or Tai Chi?" and "maybe you should put the kids in daycare full time." Let's be clear...I did not have children so that I could put them in daycare when I am not working. If you follow my blog at all you know that my heart's desire is to be home with my kids full time. Although I love my job, I am working because I have to and when I am not at work, I want to be with my kids...why on earth would I drop them off at daycare when I can spend the day with them? The reason my doctor suggested this is because part of my stress is the need to find somebody to watch the kids when I go get my treatments or my "hypnotherapy" (hahaha!). I have no idea how to reduce my stress at this point. First off, I have a Type A personality and I am really not doing anything extra. Other than work, treatment and my children, I don't have outside commitments right now.
So, the question is this...do I continue treatment for a little while longer or give it up and put my money someplace else (like student loans or the credit card) and just accept that I will most likely live with my body until the Lord gives me a new one? I have some decisions to make.
This post is only an update, not a request for advice...trust me, I have tried it all.