Friday, December 23, 2011

The most difficult part of parenting

Nora is two and a half years old and we decided it was time to take away her "paci". We don't actually take them away in our home, we just change their role. Our tradition is to take our kids to Build-A- Bear and allow them to place their pacifiers inside the bear.
This way they can still sleep with them, only they are not in their mouths. Tonight was Nora's night. She was so excited to pick out her pink flowered bunny and place her 3 paci's inside of it. She held it proudly all night as we walked the mall. Once we got in the car, she realized that she would never "see" her paci's again as she whimpered and asked for them over and over again. Dread surged through my body as I realized the long night ahead for us...and especially for Nora. I knew that she realized that there was a big, unwanted change in her life that Alessandro and I had implemented, and without her approval. We arrived at our house and began our nightly routine of taking a shower, brushing teeth and finally bedtime (which is a routine in itself). She whimpered and asked for her "paci" throughout the whole process. I held her in my arms and tried to explain to her that her pacifiers now had a new home inside of her bunny and that she could hold them and feel them by squeezing "Flower". She buried her little head in my chest and whimpered some more. All the while, my heart was breaking. Why did we have to do this to her? Why couldn't we just let her have them? I'm sure we could find one hiding around here and we could just let her have it for a few more months. Or, I could go to the store and buy her a new one. Another option is cutting the bunny open! It really isn't good for her, it is delaying her vocabulary because that thing is always in her mouth! Dentists don't like them...and they hide her precious smile! She doesn't realize it at this moment and possibly not for several days (I hope not), but this is what is best for her. The alternative is not good for her at all, except for the temporary comfort it provides. Alessandro and I took turns holding her and comforting her until she was so tired she wanted to get into her bed. While rocking her, I realized that my Father in heaven too has to take things or relationships away from us for our own good. He hates, I am certain, that his children are hurting, but knows that giving us everything we want that temporarily makes us feel comfortable is not necessarily good for us if it is hindering our growth or taking us down the wrong path. "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:19. Sometimes we have to realize and accept that sometimes for God to supply us with what we need, it may mean taking something away or keeping something from us, whether it be to protect us or grow us. I know in my life, He has allowed me to go through difficult things and I have come out on the other side having learned and changed for the better (usually I am closer to Him). I don't always understand the why's, but I know it isn't because he enjoys seeing us hurt...just like I didn't enjoy Nora feeling sad and heartbroken. Nora doesn't understand though. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. " Isaiah 55:8-9